This was my first ever podcast episode back in 2022. I never actually published it nor shared it with anyone because I was just experimenting with my Zoom H1 recorder and Audacity. I wanted to see if I could create something. Anything. This was what came out of my noodle. It occurred to me just today that maybe I should share it on the off chance someone finds it useful. Or just to see how my podcasting style has evolved in the past two years.
Back when I recorded this, I remember my voice shaking and having to do several takes because I felt silly speaking into a machine. I also remember that I felt super inadequate to talk about this topic because I’m not a mental health professional. Fast forward to 2024, I feel more confident talking about these gritty topics thanks to my yacking away on my Instagram stories. Anyway, I hope you like it. I’ll leave the transcript here.
This episode aims to explain what anger is, why it’s useful and essential to developing self-esteem, when it becomes toxic and detrimental, and how to exercise anger properly. The main message behind this episode is: Before diagnosing yourself with another condition, look around and see what conversations you need to be having with people. Connect. Disagree. Work it out and take the chance to potential make your bond stronger or dare to take distance. Your self-esteem will thank you.
The first time I ever heard about anger being love in motion was in a sermon (yes, you read that right) given by Timothy Keller. Though I am not a devout Christian, in fact, I’m probably a very bad one since my nose is always burrowed in all kinds of religious tests or taboo topics like sex and polyamory, but I digress, I find a lot of value in looking to the sacred texts for any wisdom we can mine out of there. If you give the texts a chance, there’s a lot of good stuff in there.
Timothy Keller’s sermon on Anger was actually fundamental to finally dealing head on with my anxiety and depression which I struggled with during my adolescence and most of my 20s. Always talk to a professional first because what worked for me might not work for you, but by and large, I had to start taking responsibility for my life by doing my utmost to make my words match my actions and make those actions match my emotions.
Not just to get better, but to finally be well enough to be of service to someone other than myself.
Making my words match my actions, match my emotions MEANT that I had to get better at identifying my anger in the moment rather than bury it, rationalize it away, go with the flow of what everyone else is doing, then feel like I betrayed myself or betrayed loved ones. Coming from a household that didn’t encourage healthy expressions of anger for the convenience of certain individuals, I didn’t know how to identify my anger and much less control it when it came out as rage. So needless to say I had a lot of fucking work to do.
And so I searched in religious texts, meditation, yoga, therapy and counseling, story books, and crashed and burned in my interpersonal relationships until I came across Tim Keller’s sermon which I will link here. That was back when I was 25. Now I’m 33 and I’ve thankfully come a long way in deciphering my anger and acting on it better than I did back then. To that end, the book The Tao of Fully Feeling by Peter Walker was also instrumental in my journey.
In The Tao of Fully Feeling, Walker basically says that ALL emotions are useful in life. If one of them is suppressed, then it starts to throw everything else off. On the contrary, when we give room for an emotion, then we give room for another emotion. If we give room for anger, then we give room to the happiness that comes from the satisfaction of knowing you stood up for something. If you give room for sadness, then you give room for bittersweet joy. (cue Inside Out music)
If you’re feeling anxious and depressed, maybe you’re not being honest with yourself about you don’t like and what you want to say to someone. I’m not saying blowing your lid off at anyone, but accepting your own displeasure and anger to yourself is very meaningful and very healing. After that, you can make conscious decisions (don’t just forget about it) about how to respect yourself enough to speak up and give the other person a chance to state their side to you.
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